First Impressions: "Do I Sound Okay?"

Your hair is perfect.   You have on a fashion-forward shirt and Armani slacks, some great shoes, and you have worked hard to give those pecs true definition.  You walk in with ease and have good posture.  You make eye contact with a sweet looking girl.  She returns your smile.  You approach. So far, so good.

Your forward momentum can all come to a screeching halt when you open your mouth. The sound of your voice can be your downfall with a woman you would like to get to know better.  In your matchmaker's experience, the Asian-American man ("AAM") has three potential problems with the sound of his voice.

1.  Accent

This one is obvious.  If you were not raised from birth in the U.S., chances are, you have an accent.  If people ask you to repeat yourself a lot, chances are really good that your accent is heavy.  Americans uniformly love all of the British accents, e.g. English, Scottish and Irish.  (A plus for Indian guys who can mock a good English accent).  We also tend to love French, German and Scandinavian accents.  A good share of us like a Jamaican and an Australian accent.

But Asian accents in men are not revered by red-blooded American women.  At EWA we are not out to change the world; we just want to make your time in it filled with joy.  So, when faced with adversity, those of of us who are strong, make changes.




A note to native American English speakers:  Even though you were raised in the U.S. and went to American schools you still may speak with an accent.  We tend to absorb the accents of those around us.  AAMs can have the accent of their family.

2. Pitch or Tone

This is not a speech pathology lesson.  So technically, "pitch" and "tone" are probably two different things.  (Hopefully someone in that field will comment below).

Photo from the Missourian, Oct. 12, 2009 (1)

To the ears of an American woman, AAM native speakers of Chinese, Vietnamese and other Southeast Asian languages can have a high-pitched voice*.  In American culture, only women and drag queens are supposed to have high-pitched voices.  When the AAM speaks those Asian languages, one can hear the high pitches and sounds which are perfectly normal and appropriate in those languages.  But the heterosexual AAM male looking to mate with an American female will learn to bring the pitch down at least a couple of octaves.

*This has been observed less in native Japanese, Filipino, Korean and Indian speakers.

3. Volume

Please, please, please, when you approach a woman in a crowded, noisy place, do not lower your voice.  You want those first few words out of your mouth to be audible.  Err on the side of being too loud if you know you have a problem with this.  If you are a small guy, you will really need to work on this.  You want your voice to carry, be full and speak with authority.

What you are trying to convey with your volume is that 1) what you have to say is worthy of being heard as demonstrated by the many people in the past who have wanted to hear what you have to say; 2) you mean what you say; and 3) you are not afraid of making a mistake with the content of your part of the dialogue.

Okay, so the matchmaker has written some things you may not want to read.  You may be wondering whether you have a problem in any of these three areas:  accent, pitch and volume.  The first step is to get an assessment.  Then you can work to improve in weak areas.

Later this week, another post will talk about assessment and solutions.  If these are your only problems, count yourself lucky.  All of these are problems with solutions.  Millions and millions of people have overcome these hurdles and you can too.

(1) Photo from the Missourian, Oct. 12, 2009, Accent Modification Program helps students with speaking skills, discussing the University of Missouri's Accent Modification Program