Sound Hot: 7 More Ways for the Asian-American Male to Sound Virile - Pitch and Volume

In our last two messages about the sound of one's voice making an impression for better or worse, we talked about how the voice of an Asian-American Man (AAM) can work for or against him.  Three aspects of voice are accent, pitch and volume.  

 

The first step in overcoming these issues is to get an assessment.  We discussed several ways to get such an assessment, including the East West Attraction free 10-minute Voice Virility Assessment© in September of 2010.  Click here to make your no-cost phone appointment.  (Simply select an open appointment and you will be given instructions from there.  Go here to see our privacy policy).  The East West Attraction assessment focuses on accent, pitch and volume from the point of view of male-to-female romantic interactions. 

 

Step two is/was to get help with your issues.  Our last post mentioned a couple of those.  Here are some more ways to get help with voice issues.

Work With Others Who Have the Same Goal (Self-Help)

The awesome thing about this option is that you have the possibility of meeting some single women while improving your communication skills.  Investigate these and then pick one avenue and focus on it.

        Toastmasters

Toastmasters has been helping Americans and others across the globe improve their communication skills for years.  This volunteer organization charges dues that average only $30 to $50 per year, according to Suzanne Frey of the national headquarters.  You cannot beat that!  Members help each other by giving speeches to the other members.  There are many groups in each city, often meeting near your home or office.  The size of each group varies.  They can have from 10 to 30 members, or more.  Each time you give a speech, the others give you limited feedback focusing on specific communication goals.  You help others and they help you.  The more involved you become in giving speeches, the faster you will grow.

Asian Guy depicted in Toastmasters screenshot

Toastmasters has a proven system.  Each member develops specific personal goals.  Be open with the other members and let them know you value feedback.  This program will help the most with volume and pitch, as well as with your personal demeanor and presentation.  Your confidence with others will soar.  Once you are comfortable speaking to a group, then approaching just one woman becomes low pressure.  Single women go to Toastmasters also!  Few careers would not benefit from improved communications skills.

A note about Toastmasters:  Each group is different.  Visit at least 3 groups before selecting one to get a feel for the mood of the group.  It is important that you feel comfortable with the group.  One tip:  Once you start Toastmasters, start doing speeches right away.  The longer you wait, the harder it will become to work up your courage.  Dive in head first.

        Other Community Groups

In addition to Toastmasters, other groups focusing on communications and leadership skills can be found on meetup.com.  This site says it has 307 public speaking groups worldwide.  Some of these could be Toastmasters groups and others having a leadership bent. 

        Professional Speech/Communications Coach

Examples of such coaches in the San Francisco Bay area are Angelika Blendstrup, Ph.D (Silicon Valley), Susan Berkley and Susan Roane.  If any of the readers know communications coaches in other areas, feel free to comment on this post and help with recommendations.

        Mutual Improvement Buddy

Another way is to find a new friend and work with him or her.  Post an ad on craigslist in the Activities section under “Community” for your town.  Describe who you are and what you want to focus on.  If you do not find someone right away, keep putting up your ad.  Someone will respond.  You must stay on target though.  Get agreement that the person will give you feedback on whatever problem that you are working on.  Be a good partner and make sure that an equal amount of time is spent on you and on the other person.  This works well for accent reduction and language skills.

Maybe you could even suggest practicing at the beach, after you get to know her well guys.

Scene from "Mao's Last Dancer" movie

        Acting Coach and/or Acting Class

Acting coaches teach people how to walk and talk to project a certain image, whether it is that of a confident person, a sad person or a happy person.  They can teach you how to act differently.  Your volume and pitch can be assessed by an acting coach.  Do some research and talk to several people.  Tell them you want to present a better impression in social situations, not necessarily get a role in a movie.  Classes have the added benefit of providing a social outlet.  Who knows?  Maybe you'll ask the pixie senorita to practice lines with you.  Ask for her help.

        Aspirational Models

Do you have a video camera?  Do you have a television or DVD player?  Watch and learn.  Learn from good actors, not just the pretty boys.  Tape yourself and then review the tape.

The Cat Studio, Penang

       Hire East West Attraction as Your Matchmaker and Get Trained

East West Attraction will provide image coaching for clients as an added service in addition to date coaching.  Although we would not be able to help in English pronunciation, we can help with pitch and volume, among many other things, including body language.  Email us for a quote.

Step Three:  Get Out There and Practice Talking to Women and Asking them Out!:

While you are learning to improve your voice, keep going out and trying to meet women.  Don't stop doing this!  Practice makes perfect.  Use it as an excuse to meet women.  "I'd love it if you would help me improve my accent, or my English.  I could teach you some Japanese/Korean/Chinese things if you'd like".  Or, "I'm having trouble with my "r's" and my "l's", could you help me out?  I'd be happy to treat you to lunch or a latte when you have some free time."  Meet in a public place.

To wrap up, there can be three areas to work on to project a strong, masculine voice:  accent, pitch and volume.  Each of these needs to be strong.  These are areas, where, with a little work, you can sound masculine and confident to the American woman.  As you improve, keep evaluating how you are doing.

What do you think?  Do you have any suggestions to offer based on personal experience of improving in these voice areas?  Please post here and let us know.

~ o ~

As a benefit to our single readers, East West Attraction's matchmaker, Alicia Ballard, is performing a no-cost 10 minute voice assessment in September 2010.  The reader can make his no-cost phone appointment and get the code through this website.  There is no need to email us or call by phone.  The East West Attraction assessment will focus on accent, pitch and volume from the point of view of male-to-female romantic interactions.

Schedule the no-cost Voice Virility Assessment©

If the readers have more questions about this topic, please comment below or send an email.

Sound Hot: 4 Ways for the Asian-American Man to Sound Virile - Accent Reduction

In our last message about the sound of one's voice making an impression for better or worse, we talked about three different ways that the voice of an Asian-American Man (AAM) can work for or against him.  Three aspects of voice are accent, pitch and volume.  To make a good first impression on a woman, business contact or new neighbor, one wants to present himself as strongly and confidently as possible in each of these three areas.

Step One: Get an Assessment

Is your voice an issue?  The first step is to get an assessment.  The difficulty lies in making an objective evaluation of our own voice.  We literally cannot hear ourselves clearly.  As a benefit to our single readers, East West Attraction is doing a free 10-minute Voice Virility Assessment© in September of 2010.  Click here to make your no-cost phone appointment and get the code.  The East West Attraction assessment will focus on accent, pitch and volume from the point of view of male-to-female romantic interactions.

Readers who do not wish to take advantage of this opportunity (or for those outside the U.S. and Canada) can start by asking a trusted friend.  Make sure you ask open-ended questions while your friend gives you an assessment.  Ask what you are good at and what needs improvement.  Give them permission to be honest.  But still, sometimes friends have a hard time being objective and they also do not want to hurt your feelings.  They may be less than honest.

If neither of the options interests you, and you feel you may have a problem, you can ask for feedback as you proceed through the next steps.

Step Two:  Get Help with Your Issues

1.    Get Accent Reduction Training Online, With Books & Tapes, or In Person

If you are able to read this blog, then your language skills are probably alright.  You might need to tweak some accent imperfections.  Before we do that, let's ask whether it is even political correct to talk about accent. 

The goal here is to assist the AAM in meeting, attracting, courting, falling in love with and marrying an American woman, whether she is a white female (Caucasian), Latina (Hispanic) or black (African-American).  To do so, the Asian-American Man (AAM) needs to be attractive to her.  Do you want your differences or your similarities to be the first thing she notices about you?  Best answer:  Similarities.

If the first thing a woman notices is that you sound different and unfamiliar, i.e. "foreign", then the differences are the first impression.  Since the average reader of this blog is not a “Bruce Lee" or "Ken Watanabe" type, accent is relevant.  The AAM does not want the adorable brunette in the dairy aisle of the supermarket to wonder whether a lifetime with him will be spent trying to understand what he is saying.

Language professionals teach accent reduction both online and in person.  One example of online accent reduction is Accent Master Lynn.  Her website and YouTube videos describe and show her work.  She has a number of followers.  For Silicon Valley readers, check out Angelika Blendstrup, PhD.

Many language schools offer accent reduction classes.  Google or look through this directory to find one that specifically focuses on accent reduction in your area.  Accent is one of those things that professionals are really the most able to help with, unlike some of the other voice issues.  They understand linguistics and have the proper tools to use with English learners -- better than someone in the general population would have.

Amazon sells a number of books on the topic.  These are listed here as a courtesy for the readers.  These are a low-cost option but are also not very fun.  Who wants to sit at home after working a hard day and read about accents?  Mastering the American Accent with Audio CDs, American Accent Training: Grammar with Audio CDs, and Lose Your Accent in 28 Days (CD-ROM for Windows, Audio CD, and Workbook).

So that is four ways you can work on accent:  online, with a coach, at a language school, and on your own with books and CDs.  In the next post, we will discuss in more detail how to address issues of pitch and volume as well as personal speaking presentation.

To wrap up, there can be three areas to work on to project a strong, masculine voice:  accent, pitch and volume.  Each of these characteristics needs to be strong.  With some time and effort, you can sound masculine and confident to the ear of an American woman.  As you improve, keep evaluating how you are doing.  And, keep getting out there looking and chatting up the ladies as you practice your new skills.

As a benefit to our single readers, East West Attraction's matchmaker, Alicia Ballard, is performing a no-cost 10 minute voice assessment in September 2010.  The reader can make his no-cost phone appointment and get the code through this website.  There is no need to email us or call by phone.  The East West Attraction assessment will focus on accent, pitch and volume from the point of view of male-to-female romantic interactions.

Schedule the no-cost Voice Virility Assessment©

If the readers have more questions about this topic, please comment below or send an email.

First Impressions: "Do I Sound Okay?"

Your hair is perfect.   You have on a fashion-forward shirt and Armani slacks, some great shoes, and you have worked hard to give those pecs true definition.  You walk in with ease and have good posture.  You make eye contact with a sweet looking girl.  She returns your smile.  You approach. So far, so good.

Your forward momentum can all come to a screeching halt when you open your mouth. The sound of your voice can be your downfall with a woman you would like to get to know better.  In your matchmaker's experience, the Asian-American man ("AAM") has three potential problems with the sound of his voice.

1.  Accent

This one is obvious.  If you were not raised from birth in the U.S., chances are, you have an accent.  If people ask you to repeat yourself a lot, chances are really good that your accent is heavy.  Americans uniformly love all of the British accents, e.g. English, Scottish and Irish.  (A plus for Indian guys who can mock a good English accent).  We also tend to love French, German and Scandinavian accents.  A good share of us like a Jamaican and an Australian accent.

But Asian accents in men are not revered by red-blooded American women.  At EWA we are not out to change the world; we just want to make your time in it filled with joy.  So, when faced with adversity, those of of us who are strong, make changes.




A note to native American English speakers:  Even though you were raised in the U.S. and went to American schools you still may speak with an accent.  We tend to absorb the accents of those around us.  AAMs can have the accent of their family.

2. Pitch or Tone

This is not a speech pathology lesson.  So technically, "pitch" and "tone" are probably two different things.  (Hopefully someone in that field will comment below).

Photo from the Missourian, Oct. 12, 2009 (1)

To the ears of an American woman, AAM native speakers of Chinese, Vietnamese and other Southeast Asian languages can have a high-pitched voice*.  In American culture, only women and drag queens are supposed to have high-pitched voices.  When the AAM speaks those Asian languages, one can hear the high pitches and sounds which are perfectly normal and appropriate in those languages.  But the heterosexual AAM male looking to mate with an American female will learn to bring the pitch down at least a couple of octaves.

*This has been observed less in native Japanese, Filipino, Korean and Indian speakers.

3. Volume

Please, please, please, when you approach a woman in a crowded, noisy place, do not lower your voice.  You want those first few words out of your mouth to be audible.  Err on the side of being too loud if you know you have a problem with this.  If you are a small guy, you will really need to work on this.  You want your voice to carry, be full and speak with authority.

What you are trying to convey with your volume is that 1) what you have to say is worthy of being heard as demonstrated by the many people in the past who have wanted to hear what you have to say; 2) you mean what you say; and 3) you are not afraid of making a mistake with the content of your part of the dialogue.

Okay, so the matchmaker has written some things you may not want to read.  You may be wondering whether you have a problem in any of these three areas:  accent, pitch and volume.  The first step is to get an assessment.  Then you can work to improve in weak areas.

Later this week, another post will talk about assessment and solutions.  If these are your only problems, count yourself lucky.  All of these are problems with solutions.  Millions and millions of people have overcome these hurdles and you can too.

(1) Photo from the Missourian, Oct. 12, 2009, Accent Modification Program helps students with speaking skills, discussing the University of Missouri's Accent Modification Program

Best Man's Homage to His Asian Brother's Marriage to Caucasian Woman

This video was added today to show the sheer joy and happiness of the wedded couple and the families. (These are not my clients). The best man is a one-man stand up routine. Best wishes for many years to come!

What do you think of the video?

Asian-American Men By the Numbers - Do They Measure Up?

(Photo attributed to aznlover.com.)

Frequently heard and read in the U.S. are racial slurs about Asian men being small men, in stature.  Also, they are referred to as having small packages.  So the reasoning would go, "why would a Caucasian, Hispanic or African-American woman be interested in an Asian guy?"  This idea is constantly repeated.  Just do a Twitter search for "asian guy" and, in addition to some tweets not suitable for children, you will see a steady stream of references to the size of Asian men.  But here is a number worth remembering:  41.

With such negativity, one would think that no one would be interested in marrying an Asian man at all.  The numbers simply do not bear that out, though.  Women vote with their feet, or rather their garter belt.  At least since the 1970's, American-born Asian men have married outside of their race over forty percent of the time.

The Pew Research Center's recent report "Marrying Out" confirms that American-born Asian men married outside the Asian race 41.7% of the time in 2008.  Forty-one is a nice number -- one worth remembering when one hears Asian men being metaphorically reduced to the (alleged) size of their anatomical parts.  The Pew report is based on actual microdata of marriages occurring in the U.S. in 2008.

Now, the percentage of such marriages is actually down since 1975 when it was 44.3%.  However, since the total number of American-born Asian males has increased exponentially since 1975, the actual number of American-born Asian males marrying outside their race has also grown exponentially.

(Graph extracted from Pew Report, "Marrying Out", Appendix III, page 6)

It is obvious that Asian-American men are finding love with women outside their race.  It is a matter of personal preference for those couples.  It is clearly not a choice that the majority of Americans make, but a sizable minority do make that choice.  At East West Attraction, it is our goal to facilitate those matches for our clients and members.

So, the question is, do non-Asian women buy into the racial slur?  In answer, we say "41".
 

How did you become a matchmaker and why do you charge for your service?

How did you become a matchmaker?

The simple answer is: it just came naturally. For over 16 years, I have been facilitating women and men through the stages of attraction through commitment. I see when things are a mismatch and when they are a match. I see when one person is not being genuine and the other is, and the woman is not always the “genuine” one and the man the “not genuine” one. As Paula Abdul wrote in the 1992 hit Straight Up, “the word and the deed go hand in hand”. So, in essence, I am a relationship analyst. I have analyzed and advised on hundreds of dating scenarios online since 2000. The blog website was started in June of 2010.

Why do you charge for your service now if it is something you have been doing for free in the past?

Matchmaking as a business is monetizing what I already do. In a perfect world, finding the perfect mate should not cost money! Doesn’t the Declaration of Independence say it is self-evident that “all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness?” It does and we do have the right. But searching for a mate does cost money.

Guys already know how many dollars they spend on buying drinks for random women just to get the opportunity to have a conversation, as well as the price of dinners and events. If it were not to impress women, many guys would own a more modest vehicle, with cheaper registration fees and insurance. It adds up!

Girls, equally, spend a lot on attracting guys. Haircuts, color, manicures, pedicures, jackets, skirts, sexy tops, shooz (flats, mid-level, platforms – all heights needed depending on the type of date and the height of the guy), and admission fees to places where girls think single men might be hanging out blow the entertainment budget easily.

Unless you are one of those people who married your high school sweetheart, romance is usually not free. It feels like such a waste when you spend cash to meet or date that quality person and the relationship goes nowhere. (I have been there. I know.)

A matchmaker and dating coach can save some time and assist in ending relationships that are not going anywhere. But, there are numerous reasons why I charge money for the matchmaking service.

First, it takes time. Making and maintaining contact with all of the people required to provide matches is a time-consuming daily activity. Second, it takes money to do this. I pay, like everyone else, to belong to clubs, go to meetings, and attend social functions in order to enhance the social network needed to supply quality matches. Phones, website, office, assistance, etc. are all regular business expenses incurred. I also support the economy by paying taxes. Third, the service is valuable, in my view, but my clients must be the judge. And, finally, I am not independently wealthy. By charging for this service, East West Attraction is available to devote detailed attention to clients. This is my work and I love it!

CALIFORNIA: Summer Kick Off Mixer, Late July, Sacramento

A mixer with folks preferably in late 30's to early 50's. Professional singles of any race or culture will be attending this event. The goal is to meet new people and enjoy a nice Summer evening (in the shade).

This will be a mixer by invitation only for dating and social purposes. Please, no married folks! East West Attraction, the sponsor of this event, does specialize in American Asian to Non-Asian matching. So this event would be described as "Asian-friendly".

The date of the mixer has been postponed until late July and will occur at an upscale Italian restaurant patio in East Sacramento, California. There will be a minor charge to help defray expenses ($15 in advance or $20 cash only at the door).

Please send an email to tickets@eastwestattraction.com if you would like to be invited to this. The email should specify your age, sex and what type of people or person you would like to meet. Every attempt will made to have an equal number of women and men.

EWA has a "no spam" policy. We don't sell your info, give it away or expose you to the seamy side of the internet. Your inquiry will be treated as confidential.