5 Worst Things to Give for Valentine's Day

The only exception to anything on this list is if your wife or girlfriend has very specifically told you that this is what she wants for Valentine's Day.  Even then, it is sketchy, because sometimes your wife or girlfriend just wants to make it easy for you so that she will not be disappointed with a really lame gift or so that she will not be forgotten.  So, she suggests something easy for you to give her.  This is kind of a trick that could get you less than favorable results.

5.   Sexy Lingerie That Interests You

Face it, guys. Lingerie is a present for you, not for her. It says, this is what I want, to turn me on. It can also be misinterpreted to mean, "Honey, you're just not enough. I need you to wear this costume so I'll want you more".

There is a time and a place for the giving and sharing of lingerie, but I happen to believe V-Day is not the day. I know I'll receive some flack for this, since, for most men, romance = sex.  Women view romance a little differently.

Rather than lingerie, for a wife or long-time girlfriend, you want the gift to say, "I adore you, wonderful you.  You mean so much to me."  For someone you recently started dating, you want the gift to say, "I think you're swell".

4.   Costume Jewelry

If you can't afford fine jewelry, meaning made of a precious metal like silver, gold or platinum, with or without gemstones, skip jewelry. The exception to this is if you made this yourself from some objects that you consider to be beautiful.  If you have read "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand, you'll understand what I mean when I refer to the chapter called, "The Bracelet".

In this scene Lillian Reardon, wife of dashing industrialist Hank Reardon, throws a huge society party as a wedding anniversary gift for her husband.  Hank Reardon has recently invented a new metal, lighter and stronger than steel, that will revolutionalize the world.  In front of the whole crowd, he presents his wife with a bracelet that he had forged especially for her out of Reardon metal.  She makes fun of it in front of everyone, and puts down her husband for being so obsessed with his own creation.

Main character Dagny Taggart is a guest at the party and watches this.  She is wearing a bracelet full of diamonds.  She, too, is an industrialist in partnership with Hank Reardon; they plan to build a new railroad through Colorado.  Dagny finds the work of Hank Reardon's mind and hands so compellingly winsome that she offers to trade her diamond bracelet for Mrs. Reardon's alloy metal bracelet.  That was the beginning of a love affair between Hank Reardon and Dagny Taggart.  Mrs. Reardon accepted the trade, but no one present could have missed the symbolism.

3.  Loungewear Pajamas

You've seen the ads for Pajamagram or the Snuggie.  These are kind of the opposite of sexy lingerie.  Unless you are the creator of these cash-generating products, there is nothing personal about them.  They are generic gifts, kind of like one-size-fits-all.

You may be thinking that she will think warmly of you for giving her a clothing item that keeps her warm.  That's a linear thought, a masculine way of thinking, which is something to be appreciated.  However, it misses the mark.  How romantic is a blanket or a pair of sweatpants?

Think of it this way.  Would you like to be given a tire jack for your birthday?  A wrench?  Pretty boring.  Loungewear pajamas are kind of like being given a tie on Father's Day.

2.  Nothing

Wait! Nothing is not number one?!   (No. There is actually something worse than nothing.)

Does "nothing" need more explanation?

The only time "nothing" would be appropriate is if you have broken up with the person or do not intend to date the person any longer.  To give something would be to lead the woman on, a no-no.

1.   The Giant Teddy Bear

This is a tough one for guys because it has a lot of appeal as a gift. You see the advertising on TV and hear it on the radio, and you think that all that advertising means it's the popular thing to give. Plus, you can order it online or through a toll-free telephone number, and there are not a lot of options to the gift. 

You can become so tempted to listen to the advertiser say how much your woman will love this gift. Please cover your ears and repeat after me, "I will not buy my girlfriend a teddy bear. My girlfriend is not a child. I will not buy her a stuffed animal".
What this gift says more than anything is "clueless", and "can't be bothered with actually thinking of something I might like". This fabricsewn into the shape of an animal, with plastic eyes and mouth, becomes nothing more than a dust collector. It will certainly end up in the trash or at the Salvation Army store very soon.

Here are a few suggestions:

• An experience, an outing, something out of the ordinary, that shows you took the time to plan it.  This can include a weekend trip, dinner at a new place, or an afternoon at the amusement park.  By the way, it's okay to win her a stuffed animal at the carnival games.  That's romantic.
• A handwritten card.
• A CD mix of songs that make you think of her and/or with her favorite songs on it.
• Clothes for her pet.  Balloons for her children.
• Build a fire.  Fires are hypnotic and tend to draw out good conversation.

Feel free to offer any suggestions of your own in the comments section below.  Let us know if you have ever given anything that particular bombed or made her very happy.  Valentine's Day is 8 days away, but you may be celebrating this weekend. 

Wishing you every success,
Hugs and kisses, MsEastWest

The Holidays: A Great Time for Singles

Okay, so the title of the post doesn't exactly ring true for many singles. Here we are alone at Thanksgiving/Chanakuh/Christmas/Kwanzaa/New Years without a significant other in our life. "So what's so 'great' about it?", you ask. Here are just a few sunny thoughts about the holidays.

1. Being Alone Helps You Realize You Are Actually Alone

For much of the rest of the year, you can kind of fake it. You can show up to things alone or you can take an opposite sex friend, or a date if you happen to be seeing someone. You can blow off attending important family and social functions with the excuse of working too hard in the pursuit of the dollar. You can pursue temporary relationships with people who you know are not right for you. All of these stopgap measures or coping mechanisms can make you not feel the fact that you have not found the love of your life. They get you through the weekend.

But work slows down and other types of regular activities slow down around the holidays and actually leave us with some extra time on our hands to comtemplate the solo existence. Other families and couples are getting together, frolicking in the snow, wearing cute Christmas clothes, acting all blissful. It's disgusting! Because other people gather more and are more sentimental about it, it makes our aloneness seem that much more, well, alone! Our feelings go under the magnifying glass; they are more acute than ever.

The good news is that realizing that there is a problem is the first step in getting to the solution. So don't do mind-numbing things to make those feelings go away! Start to work on the solution.

2. Extra Time Means You Can Start Self-Exploration About Who You Want in a Life Partner and How You Are Going to Make That Happen

What better time to stop messing around and get your priorities straight. Some don't really believe in New Years' Resolutions, but, heck, it's a great time to do some soul searching and figure out your non-negotiables. Please, if one of your non-negotiables is that your spouse has to be blonde with blue eyes, dig deeper. Eyesight grows dim with age and hair turns gray. Blonde can be purchased in bottle.

There are at least three ways to make 2011 the year you are with someone wonderful. The first of these is through self-guided goal setting and task planning to make it happen. There are many good books out there on this subject. (Write us for an essay on 5 ways to jumpstart your search for Mr./Mrs. Right).

The second way is with a coach. We hire specialists in all areas of our life. What could be more important than finding our life's companion and being a wonderful companion to him or her? East West Attraction offers coaching in person and via Skype, but not via telephone, and you can pay with PayPal. We simply must communicate face to face. EWA has a program to assist you in developing your list of your future spouse's traits and how to go about meeting and winning that person.

The third way is to outsource your search. Yes! That is what a matchmaker is for. Though you must come up with the attributes of your future spouse, we do the leg work.

3. Lots More Opportunities for Socializing

The other great thing about the holidays is that probably every group, church, office or organization you have been involved with in the last 5 years is having some sort of social event. Go online, research community calendars, read all of the junk mail and email you get from various organizations find out what is going on. So grab your calendar or create a special gmail/google calendar and start popping all of those engagements on there.

Get a couple of fantastic socializing clothing outfits, including shoes and jacket, a good haircut and get out there and meet, greet, and collect phone numbers like crazy. Go either ALONE or with one other person who you will split up with the moment you get there and to whom you will not go during the party if you feel droopy.

When you get the phone numbers of new people, (this is important) DO NOT TEXT or IM THE PEOPLE. Keep the good, personal vibe going by actually calling them and having a real-time communication. Remember how people used to actually talk to each other? You know, talking... like they used to do in the olden days?

If you have 3 events on your calendar in one night, which is not unthinkable since there are only a few weekends in December, go to *all* of them. Make it a point to meet say 10 people at each event. Not only are you looking for available people to date, but you also looking for social people who could possibly introduce you to your future mate. The more social the person is, the better! Get on the party lists.

Crashing parties at hotel convention/meeting rooms can be possible too! (Oops, we did not say that!)

4. Other Singles Are Feeling the Solo Vibe Also

If you feel lonely, realize other singles feel their solo existence more acutely also! Maybe they are more inclined to give someone a chance than they would have had during other times of the year.

Pretend to be a friendly outgoing person when you go out. Fake it 'til you make it!

And, we know from the research of David McCandless that there are a lot of breakups between Thanksgiving and New Years. Someone may be a newly minted single. Maybe they are not ready for a full-blown relationship but they might be ready for a new FOI (friend of interest).

Love and Thanks from MsEast West at East West Attraction!