Reason #1 Why A Man Should Not Try to Become a Pick-up Artist

Let’s take a lesson from The Good Book.  Shall we?

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?  God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?

This quote is taken from Paul’s letter to the new Christian church in Rome, perhaps within a decade or so after Jesus Christ’s crucifixion.

How can doing something wrong help you become good?  It can’t.

To think you would be more attractive to good women by becoming a male slut is illogical.  Learning better social graces and making the most of your intellect, career opportunities, and upbringing are all good.

Learning how to get a woman in the sack to make you think more of yourself?  Well, that’s an error.

Think of what kind of person you become when you adopt the lie that if you do bad you will become good.  That’s reason number 1.  The kind of person you will become.

Nyet to Russian Brides

My dear readers, I know many of you are enamored with the beauty of Eastern European women from Russia and the Ukraine.  Many of you dream of this blissful fantasy relationship, where an innocent, wide-blue-eyed, dirty blonde with a waifish figure showers you with kisses at the airport and says “dahling, dahling, dahling” as only an Eastern European could.  She then comes home with you and has fabulous sex, keeps your house clean and gives birth to two beautiful, smart, well-behaved children, all without a single complaint.

All this for the price of a visa and an airline ticket.  What a deal!  If only life could be so easy.

Like currency traders who seek to exploit weak currencies abroad, many think that their relative wealth as North Americans gives them greater “buying power” on the market for international women.  Some men love Asian women.  Others love European women.  They prefer anything over the North American woman who has found them wanting or whom they find overly demanding.

The inherent problem with overseas transactions for marriage is the lack of proximity and the lack of ability to learn anything about the background of the person in whom you are interested.  In any truly intimate relationship, you cannot and should not just take the other person’s word for who they are and what they stand for.

We know people by the company they keep, in many instances.  Without spending large amounts of time with your love interest’s family and associates, you get a very narrow vision of who he or she is.  A large part of who we are as individuals involves who we are to those around us.  This works both ways.  We have seen situations where the foreigner (or syndicate they are involved with) abuses the system, but also where the North American who imports a spouse has misrepresented himself and his means.  Thus, these foreign connections are inherently exposed to the potential for exploitation.

Recently, I had heard of a friend of a friend who had spent several months exchanging emotion-laden emails with a Ukrainian woman.  He felt sure this beautiful women, 15 years his junior, who appeared to be madly in love with him, was going to be his future wife.  From reading some of the emails, it was quite clear that she did not care that he had average looks, a beer belly, a ho-hum job and a prior wife and kids.  She was talking of how great is was going to be to meet at the airport for the first time.  She went on and on, paragraph after paragraph about how exciting their relationship would be.  These two people had never talked on the phone or even Skyped.

Now, before you immediately judge this gentleman to be a “chump”, realize that we can all be vulnerable when it comes to love.  A starved dog will eat just about anything.  Internet dating fraud is perpetuated by men and women alike.  When someone manages to dial into our psyche so perfectly, we can fall for it.  The answer is not to become jaded or paranoid, but just to be careful.

Dating is not a sprint.  This why I love the idea of courtship.  It gives the parties a huge opportunity to get to know each other, their families, their work associates and their friends.  It simply cannot be done electronically.

The moral of the story is “date local”, unless you are willing to spend the money and the tons of time learning about the person you are interested in.

What happened with the FoF?  (Friend of Friend).  I had the opportunity to read some of the flowery emails that were almost perfect in their imperfect English.  I selected a couple of oddly phrased sentences from one of the Russian’s emails.  I googled those sentences en bloc.  Voila!

What turned up is that those exact emails, with only the names changed, had been written to numerous men the world over from all sorts of women with different names.  Yes, it was a fraud.  It seems these emails were used over and over to feed the egos of North American men.  They had been very cleverly written.  How or why is unknown.  What is known is that this was not a genuine, heartfelt relationship, on one side.  The FoF was hurt, but thankful to find out before it had gone further.

As always readers, I’m hoping you find love and happiness!

5 Worst Things to Give for Valentine's Day

The only exception to anything on this list is if your wife or girlfriend has very specifically told you that this is what she wants for Valentine's Day.  Even then, it is sketchy, because sometimes your wife or girlfriend just wants to make it easy for you so that she will not be disappointed with a really lame gift or so that she will not be forgotten.  So, she suggests something easy for you to give her.  This is kind of a trick that could get you less than favorable results.

5.   Sexy Lingerie That Interests You

Face it, guys. Lingerie is a present for you, not for her. It says, this is what I want, to turn me on. It can also be misinterpreted to mean, "Honey, you're just not enough. I need you to wear this costume so I'll want you more".

There is a time and a place for the giving and sharing of lingerie, but I happen to believe V-Day is not the day. I know I'll receive some flack for this, since, for most men, romance = sex.  Women view romance a little differently.

Rather than lingerie, for a wife or long-time girlfriend, you want the gift to say, "I adore you, wonderful you.  You mean so much to me."  For someone you recently started dating, you want the gift to say, "I think you're swell".

4.   Costume Jewelry

If you can't afford fine jewelry, meaning made of a precious metal like silver, gold or platinum, with or without gemstones, skip jewelry. The exception to this is if you made this yourself from some objects that you consider to be beautiful.  If you have read "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand, you'll understand what I mean when I refer to the chapter called, "The Bracelet".

In this scene Lillian Reardon, wife of dashing industrialist Hank Reardon, throws a huge society party as a wedding anniversary gift for her husband.  Hank Reardon has recently invented a new metal, lighter and stronger than steel, that will revolutionalize the world.  In front of the whole crowd, he presents his wife with a bracelet that he had forged especially for her out of Reardon metal.  She makes fun of it in front of everyone, and puts down her husband for being so obsessed with his own creation.

Main character Dagny Taggart is a guest at the party and watches this.  She is wearing a bracelet full of diamonds.  She, too, is an industrialist in partnership with Hank Reardon; they plan to build a new railroad through Colorado.  Dagny finds the work of Hank Reardon's mind and hands so compellingly winsome that she offers to trade her diamond bracelet for Mrs. Reardon's alloy metal bracelet.  That was the beginning of a love affair between Hank Reardon and Dagny Taggart.  Mrs. Reardon accepted the trade, but no one present could have missed the symbolism.

3.  Loungewear Pajamas

You've seen the ads for Pajamagram or the Snuggie.  These are kind of the opposite of sexy lingerie.  Unless you are the creator of these cash-generating products, there is nothing personal about them.  They are generic gifts, kind of like one-size-fits-all.

You may be thinking that she will think warmly of you for giving her a clothing item that keeps her warm.  That's a linear thought, a masculine way of thinking, which is something to be appreciated.  However, it misses the mark.  How romantic is a blanket or a pair of sweatpants?

Think of it this way.  Would you like to be given a tire jack for your birthday?  A wrench?  Pretty boring.  Loungewear pajamas are kind of like being given a tie on Father's Day.

2.  Nothing

Wait! Nothing is not number one?!   (No. There is actually something worse than nothing.)

Does "nothing" need more explanation?

The only time "nothing" would be appropriate is if you have broken up with the person or do not intend to date the person any longer.  To give something would be to lead the woman on, a no-no.

1.   The Giant Teddy Bear

This is a tough one for guys because it has a lot of appeal as a gift. You see the advertising on TV and hear it on the radio, and you think that all that advertising means it's the popular thing to give. Plus, you can order it online or through a toll-free telephone number, and there are not a lot of options to the gift. 

You can become so tempted to listen to the advertiser say how much your woman will love this gift. Please cover your ears and repeat after me, "I will not buy my girlfriend a teddy bear. My girlfriend is not a child. I will not buy her a stuffed animal".
What this gift says more than anything is "clueless", and "can't be bothered with actually thinking of something I might like". This fabricsewn into the shape of an animal, with plastic eyes and mouth, becomes nothing more than a dust collector. It will certainly end up in the trash or at the Salvation Army store very soon.

Here are a few suggestions:

• An experience, an outing, something out of the ordinary, that shows you took the time to plan it.  This can include a weekend trip, dinner at a new place, or an afternoon at the amusement park.  By the way, it's okay to win her a stuffed animal at the carnival games.  That's romantic.
• A handwritten card.
• A CD mix of songs that make you think of her and/or with her favorite songs on it.
• Clothes for her pet.  Balloons for her children.
• Build a fire.  Fires are hypnotic and tend to draw out good conversation.

Feel free to offer any suggestions of your own in the comments section below.  Let us know if you have ever given anything that particular bombed or made her very happy.  Valentine's Day is 8 days away, but you may be celebrating this weekend. 

Wishing you every success,
Hugs and kisses, MsEastWest

The Sexy Mouth: A Big Deal

Avoid it as we may like, some things that enhance attraction just cost money. If you were not born with a perfect smile, it will cost you to get one. Consider this one of the big ticket items I will recommend to you as dating coach and matchmaker. Depending on where you are in your dental travels, it could cost upward of $25,000.

This is a cultural issue with Asian immigrants. It could also be financial. But we have noticed that in Asian cultures, and British ones even, having crooked teeth is okay. Not discolored, mind you, but crooked. Not so in the U.S. of A.

Crooked is not good. Discolored is worse. Missing, well, missing is almost a party gag. This is not said to make anyone feel bad. However, I must speak truth to dental work. A woman's reaction to a man's bad teeth almost goes beyond the conscious. Bad teeth give a subconscious message of bad health, bad breath and bad breeding.

The ideal are relatively straight, relatively white teeth with no gaps, and no metal showing. Too white makes you look vain and prissy; so do not go too far with bleaching. The perfect smile needs to look like something you were born with. A "perfect" smile can even have some teeth not perfectly aligned, to a very minor degree.

A woman whose interest you are trying to engage needs to be able to imagine kissing your mouth and enjoying it. She wants to imagine getting that feeling of exhilaration of kissing a youthful, happy, clean mouth. That's what a good set of teeth will do for you. And when you know your mouth looks good, you will learn to smile more.

... which leads to my second point S-M-I-L-I-N-G! It is a cliche that the most attractive thing about a person is their smile. However, it is true. With a smile, you communicate satisfaction with self, interest in the other person, and openness to a verbal exchange.

Smiling is a cultural thang also. In America, we smile a lot. Be it cultural or the sign of someone showing insecurity, not smiling, and holding the mouth stiff and the eyes stiff when looking at someone looks hostile, or even stalker-ish. A smile can communicate, "Hey, I'm not a threat, but you interest me."

Next time you are at the dentist, find out whether he or she does cosmetic dentistry. Ask for referrals from friends. Find out what you need in terms of orthodontia. Price it out.

If you make good money, please stop putting this off. I knew one successful anesthesiologist who had a house in the hills and a couple of Lexi, but the teeth were gray and dingy. A turnoff!

If you have some money and a decent job, most dentists and orthodontists will do dental work on payment plans. Maybe you cannot do it all at once, but, over time, you can get some work done.

One of the cheapest things is whitening in a dental office with laser. Doing this too often can weaken and thin your teeth. Do your research on this.

If you are lucky enough to have already gotten braces or were born with a great smile, don't forget to use it. Lady killers usually have a sexy smile and flirtatious eyes. Practice in the mirror.

The Holidays: A Great Time for Singles

Okay, so the title of the post doesn't exactly ring true for many singles. Here we are alone at Thanksgiving/Chanakuh/Christmas/Kwanzaa/New Years without a significant other in our life. "So what's so 'great' about it?", you ask. Here are just a few sunny thoughts about the holidays.

1. Being Alone Helps You Realize You Are Actually Alone

For much of the rest of the year, you can kind of fake it. You can show up to things alone or you can take an opposite sex friend, or a date if you happen to be seeing someone. You can blow off attending important family and social functions with the excuse of working too hard in the pursuit of the dollar. You can pursue temporary relationships with people who you know are not right for you. All of these stopgap measures or coping mechanisms can make you not feel the fact that you have not found the love of your life. They get you through the weekend.

But work slows down and other types of regular activities slow down around the holidays and actually leave us with some extra time on our hands to comtemplate the solo existence. Other families and couples are getting together, frolicking in the snow, wearing cute Christmas clothes, acting all blissful. It's disgusting! Because other people gather more and are more sentimental about it, it makes our aloneness seem that much more, well, alone! Our feelings go under the magnifying glass; they are more acute than ever.

The good news is that realizing that there is a problem is the first step in getting to the solution. So don't do mind-numbing things to make those feelings go away! Start to work on the solution.

2. Extra Time Means You Can Start Self-Exploration About Who You Want in a Life Partner and How You Are Going to Make That Happen

What better time to stop messing around and get your priorities straight. Some don't really believe in New Years' Resolutions, but, heck, it's a great time to do some soul searching and figure out your non-negotiables. Please, if one of your non-negotiables is that your spouse has to be blonde with blue eyes, dig deeper. Eyesight grows dim with age and hair turns gray. Blonde can be purchased in bottle.

There are at least three ways to make 2011 the year you are with someone wonderful. The first of these is through self-guided goal setting and task planning to make it happen. There are many good books out there on this subject. (Write us for an essay on 5 ways to jumpstart your search for Mr./Mrs. Right).

The second way is with a coach. We hire specialists in all areas of our life. What could be more important than finding our life's companion and being a wonderful companion to him or her? East West Attraction offers coaching in person and via Skype, but not via telephone, and you can pay with PayPal. We simply must communicate face to face. EWA has a program to assist you in developing your list of your future spouse's traits and how to go about meeting and winning that person.

The third way is to outsource your search. Yes! That is what a matchmaker is for. Though you must come up with the attributes of your future spouse, we do the leg work.

3. Lots More Opportunities for Socializing

The other great thing about the holidays is that probably every group, church, office or organization you have been involved with in the last 5 years is having some sort of social event. Go online, research community calendars, read all of the junk mail and email you get from various organizations find out what is going on. So grab your calendar or create a special gmail/google calendar and start popping all of those engagements on there.

Get a couple of fantastic socializing clothing outfits, including shoes and jacket, a good haircut and get out there and meet, greet, and collect phone numbers like crazy. Go either ALONE or with one other person who you will split up with the moment you get there and to whom you will not go during the party if you feel droopy.

When you get the phone numbers of new people, (this is important) DO NOT TEXT or IM THE PEOPLE. Keep the good, personal vibe going by actually calling them and having a real-time communication. Remember how people used to actually talk to each other? You know, talking... like they used to do in the olden days?

If you have 3 events on your calendar in one night, which is not unthinkable since there are only a few weekends in December, go to *all* of them. Make it a point to meet say 10 people at each event. Not only are you looking for available people to date, but you also looking for social people who could possibly introduce you to your future mate. The more social the person is, the better! Get on the party lists.

Crashing parties at hotel convention/meeting rooms can be possible too! (Oops, we did not say that!)

4. Other Singles Are Feeling the Solo Vibe Also

If you feel lonely, realize other singles feel their solo existence more acutely also! Maybe they are more inclined to give someone a chance than they would have had during other times of the year.

Pretend to be a friendly outgoing person when you go out. Fake it 'til you make it!

And, we know from the research of David McCandless that there are a lot of breakups between Thanksgiving and New Years. Someone may be a newly minted single. Maybe they are not ready for a full-blown relationship but they might be ready for a new FOI (friend of interest).

Love and Thanks from MsEast West at East West Attraction!

Episode 1 | Dating Tips: Crushes & the Power of Practice Dating

Why wait until after you develop a mad crush to start developing your dating skills?  The young and inexperienced at dating can benefit from practice dating.  The most winsome women expect to be treated well. Watch it in HD.



Please add comments below. Thank you.

How Dating is Like Indian Wrestling, or Increased Attraction for the Happy Asian Man

"Indian Wrestling"

There's a game my father and my older male cousin used to play when my cousin was a young man in his twenties.  Maybe you've played it.  Each man would stand with the outside of his right foot touching the outside of the right foot of the other.  They stood with their legs apart, side by side, but facing opposite directions.  They grasped each others' right hand.  When the timer started, each would try to get the other off balance.  The first one to break his stance and falter was the loser.  The one who was able to stand his ground without moving his feet was the winner.

This message is for the young or inexperienced man or the young and inexperienced man who is setting out to date and woo a woman.  This is not for the jaded types who have had many women and are looking to score with the next woman.  For the young/inexperienced, feelings are extremely strong.  You can feel like you are in love before you even talk to the girl.  (I've heard it can be like that for some of the old dudes too!)  You might feel like a puddle of feelings.

But with your contact with the woman you need to make your message about strength, confidence and happiness.  Not about dependence on her reaction.  You can have a glimmer in your eye that shows you are attracted to her, an upturned smirk, a knowing glance, a light touch to the elbow, a lengthened eye contact, just slightly.  But not a sad face if she does not react positively immediately.  Not a dropped headed.  No slumping shoulders!

A woman does not want to feel that her reaction to you makes or breaks your life or your mood.

We as women don't want to feel you will come unglued if we reject you, if we flirt in a negative teasing kind of way.
 

Can you handle me?

Can you handle me being desired by other men?

Can you handle it when I'm an airhead?

Can you handle it when I feel bloated?

Can you handle it when I feel weak?

Can you handle it when I feel hot and the center of attention, as I can do no wrong?

A woman wants to know these things about a man before she can trust him.

What we need more than anything is to respect you, with earned respect.  Not because you demanded it in anger or went into a rage.  Not because you're a wuss that whined about it and got your precious feelings hurt.

The feminine woman wants to be the female in the relationship, the one with all the exposed feelings that fluctuate frequently.  Don't let her break you down into the being the woman.  Don't let her get you off balance, meaning don't lean her way but don't overreact the opposite way, in defeat, anger or depression.

Happiness = independence.

Happiness makes you look independent and confident -- strong, ready and open.  This is very appealing!

What can you do to be more balanced in your interactions with women?